Quiet mornings

I love quiet mornings in Jinja. They start around 5am and they end shortly after at around 7:30 or if you are lucky 8am. The moments when the world is still and all you hear is the sounds of the various animals and birds roaming around. I love these moments because while my experience here has forced me to feel like I’m moving in slow motion the hustle and bustle seems to be moving as though it was recorded in a time lapse video. The days fly by and I’m often laying in my bed exhausted and yet I feel like I have done nothing.

The weekend was great. It was restful and it was a reminder that even in these times where I constantly trying to pull myself out of quick sand that if I just remain still and gain my full strength it will be easier to pull myself out. I’m not sure if that makes sense but that’s how I feel.

So I woke up this morning, hopped on a boda and went to town to drink a coffee and get ready for the day. To remind myself that the things that I find to be minor frustrations like slow internet connections or power outages really can’t effect me unless I let them. Living life here is not hard but it’s challenging. It’s different. More so than I could ever explain. And while there are things and common convieniences I miss from home, I wouldn’t trade any of them for this experience. 

I went to church yesterday, at a home church. While at first I was hesitant to go I realized it was exactly where I needed to be that day. The message was intended for my heart and ripped it wide open. I’m still recovering from the wound. Yet it was during that message where I realized how stubborn I truly am. Most people who know me know I am a go with the flow, laid back person. I am not easily frustrated about things I cannot change. But what people often don’t see is when it comes to personal growth I’m the most stubborn person probably on the face of this earth.

I like to fight with myself. Which when you think about it is ridiculous. Because in a fight there is a winner and a loser and sure I may win but I also lose, and the pain that comes from losing is much greater than the triumph of a victory. 

So it is my goal this week to let go. To give it all up to God. My life is not in my control and I need to accept that. I feel like I’m lost here, trying to figure out why this door was flung wide open and yet I need to remember to be still. Sit in the quiet of the morning and lean not on my own desires but those of the one who brought me to the place my heart so desired to be in for so many years.